From the moment one is born, we are “groomed” to behave, interact and to uphold yourself a certain manner. We are told what wear, how to talk, how to behave and what kind of mannerisms are expected of us at all times. The beliefs of our great grandparents and their great grandparents are passed down generations, like having your feet swept means you will not get married, and many more like this one. Growing up in an environment where human connections are highly regarded, I have learnt or picked up a few tricks along the way.

 In my ethnic group, dreams play a vital role, dreams have meanings. Some dreams may be insignificant, and some may be life altering. For instance, dreaming of yourself being pregnant, may not mean you are really pregnant but rather, new opportunities are about to open for you. I remember having a conversation with my father as he told me of the different beliefs regarding dreams to be cautious of, like seeing a black dog in your dreams is seen as a bad omen in my family.

On both my mother and father’s sides of the family, we believe in the concept of helping one another, motho ke motho ka batho. In a lot of our cultural practices and any kind of ceremonies, I have grown up to know that once the neighbours hear of any kind of event taking place at any house, they will offer their help. People will stay up until the early hours of the morning helping out the family.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I have learnt to follow and trust my instincts and not doubt my gut. I have learnt that no man is an island, and in order to go far in life, I will have to learn to make nice with people because we do not know what tomorrow may bring. Purely because being a nice person costs nothing, but makes you feel like you are making a difference in the world. One person at a time.

Building a network in a new environment

For the past couple of months, one has been thrust into a new unfamiliar environment with unknown people from different walks of life. This is when you start acknowledging the importance of the relationships we have with our families, friends and/or partners. It‘s at this point that you start realising how these connections brings peace to one’s life. Coming from an environment where you had your parents who were always there for you and seeing your friends on a daily basis at school, to having to make new friends, acquaintances, etc. You have new teachers, with new teaching methods.   

Creating these bonds in a vast environment like a university, a place where people from different parts of the country come together with different perspectives, backgrounds and beliefs that sets you apart. You find yourself having to find common ground between yourself and prospective friends, finding things you have in common to relate to each.

Moving here as a socially anxious individual, a homebody on top of that, the thought of having to make new friends, new acquaintances and having to familiarize myself with the environment. Luckily, within the first couple of days I was able to make friends and this taught me the importance of getting out of your comfort zone and building a social life. Having a balanced work-life balance, leads to healthy mental state, which leads to a successful “work” life, or school life in my case.

Through out the months after building these networks around me I have come to realise that the ubuntu phrase, “I am because we are,” is very valid when it comes to our everyday lives. Watching how people who know nothing about each other, will come together and help each other with school work with the hope that one day when they need help someone help them.

Personally, it took having people close to me leave to realise, like when my sister left for college in 2014. Her absence in my life was highly notable in the sense that her departure left a gaping whole of a protector and a pillar of strength. She was a confidant that could not be replaced, though she would come back every quarter it did not change different dynamic that developed in the house. The imbalance of going from a household with a sibling to an “only” child, it is only natural that you feel alone.

We work hard on a daily basis trying to create these meaningful bonds between each other, humans survive off of the feeling these relationships bring into our lives be it good or bad, we will always gain or learn something from them. Like the African proverb says, “Motho ke motho ka batho,” or “It takes a village to raise a child.” These are some proverbs that highlight the importance of building solid the relationships and/or networks around you, as you never know when you’ll ever need a shoulder or any assistance in the future.