My family consists of differing ethnic origins. My grandparents for example were born and raised in Scotland and Wales respectively, my stepdad was born and raised in Brittain whereas my mother was born and raised in South Africa. This made growing up rather interesting because the European ways were not always acceptable here at home in South Africa. 

 

My Grand parents mostly viewed the world as that with traditional roles and responsibilities although outside of the home my grandmother worked in a male dominated field. She would cook and do housework while mu grandfather would tend to maintaining the property and yard. This was very different to my home situation as my stepdad was the one that did the housework, cooking and yard work while my mother was driven by career goals. 

 

Religion and religious practices was not something we practiced in our household, but we were taught that if someone expressed their religion or beliefs to respect it regardless of our personal thoughts or feelings. it was not until i reached high school that i actually realised how many religions there were in the world and find it quite fascinating learning and discovering more about them.

 

Also while growing up I was taught to not show much emotion and we did not talk much about our emotions with each other, which is kind of ironic as I am going into psychology as a profession. I have never in my life seen my dad or grandfather cry which was why when i saw my husband cry for the first time I had no idea how to act as it was a very foreign thing to me. 

 

Today i know it is not healthy to keep your emotions bottled up and everyone should have the right to express themselves no matter what.

 

 

Life as a university student, wife and mom can get a little rambunctious sometimes...most of the time. My day typically starts at 5:30 am just as the mornings rays start painting the sky in beautiful streaks of blue and orange. Some mornings my alarm seems so loud I feel like I could taste colours from the little heart attack it gives me. Dragging my death warmed up state out of bed I go in search of coffee. While the coffee is brewing I prepare my daughters things for the day. The smell of caffeine wafts through the house like a warm hug wrapped in sunshine. Then my hardest task for the morning begins - getting Zaylee ready for school, before I get ready for the day. Navigating morning traffic is as much fun as trying to bathe a cat, then come the tears, pleas and tantrums about going to school. By 8am I am back home getting my books and all the enthusiasm I can muster up ready for the day ahead.(Rite if Separation phase). By 9am I am on my way to campus. (Liminal phase) 

At 11am I receive the first call from my husband seeing as there is an 8 hour difference between us. this is my placebo effect scenario because after that call I feel refreshed like I have gotten a breath of fresh air. In between classes I talk to my friend about everything but nothing in particular. The last class (communitas) of the day always seems as interesting as watching paint dry. The day passes in a blur and I find myself on my way home with purple and pink hues dancing around in the sky. We arrive home around 6:30pm (Rite of Reincorporation phase). After making 2 different dinners that Zaylee decides she does not want we decide on noodles and 2 snacks before bath time. Once she is sure that my bathroom will not be distinguishable from a swimming pool it is time for cuddles. throughout the day my husband talks to me on whatsapp and then phones while I make dinner so he can also talk to Zaylee, some days are easier than others and others it is very noticeable that part of me is missing. 

After cuddles find myself groggy as it seems I have dosed off again. At least I woke up unlike some nights when I only wake up when the alarm for morning goes off. Up and at it again I find myself doing some menial tasks before i go ahead and prepare for tomorrows classes. I hot bath that could be the equivalent of magma some nights just melts away the stress of the day. My days typically end around 12am when I just lay in darkness listening to the breathing of the reason I do what I do. When I feel like I am drowning my family is really my life raft. Being a married single mother in university is not easy but worth it.

L Pienaar

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I grew up in a household where there was an abundance of stereotypes and othering that was seen as typical everyday things. Things such as that house and yard tasks were only for black people, all white Afrikaans men wanted to be farmers and that those with an education were somehow better than others. I grew up with the thought that someone born in the United Kingdom was somehow more advanced or civilised than someone born in South Africa.

 

It is sad that these types of views are projected onto youth that depend on their parents to teach them about the ways of the world.

 

Othering and stereotypes are part of why many people cannot seem to get along. these concepts mean that people come into situations with preconceived notions of what the other "should" do, what they must want or even who they are without even having spoken a single word to one another.

 

Since then I have realised that these views portrayed onto me are most definitely not right. I have learnt to embrace different views as not everyone will always agree. I have made friends who have taught me about some of their cultures and are even trying to teach me some of their languages as I share mine.

 

I even ended up marrying the "typical" afrikaans man who opened up my eyes to the fact that yes it is my dream to be a psychologist just as it is his dream to farm and provide for his family through his hard work, blood, sweat and tears. He has taught me that farming is no easy everyday task and that his way of doing things is something that has been passed down from generation to generation with a tweak here and there. Each generation has passed down knowledge without it being written down anywhere ensuring that the next can provide for those in the future.

 

I am proud of the woman I am today, Although I am by no means perfect a am a person who sees everyone as a whole and not just as a person who fits into a tiny box labelled with what past generations have labelled them as.

 

My daughter knows that there are no such thing as gender or race roles and learning to cook or clean up after yourself are basic life skills. She also knows that just because you may be more privileged than others does not make you better instead if you are able to, share that privilege. 

 

I may not be able to change the world by myself or even in my lifetime, but I will most definitely not be a contributor to the problem. Little by little I help lay part of the foundation that teaches my daughter that we are all human and equals.

Who knows maybe she will change the world some day.

 

Lisa Pienaar

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